Monday, April 20, 2009

Benico Del Toro Cleans Up Well.

One time I went to El Torito with a new boyfriend and decided to impress him with my paltry Spanish-speaking skills.  I told our nice and patient waiter that I wanted a dish that was very, very mild and had no spicy ingredients whatsoever.  The waiter kindly continued with the ruse and spoke Spanish back to me, causing my eyebrows to raise in alarm and to remember the time that I announced over a paging system that so and so's "albondiga was on line 3".  I meant to say lawyer, but ended up confusing it with the Spanish word for meatball.  Such is my weird fuckin' life.

Under the advice of my waiter, I ordered the shrimp Veracruz.  When it arrived,  I took a bite and wham!  My tongue was hit with what seemed like a hundred sharp little needles of the hottest of peppers.  I had never tasted anthing as spicy as this and I drank my glass of water in one gulp and when that didn't help it, I guzzled my boyfriend's water, as well.  I was sweating.  I had to get up and go stand outside to cool off.   It took a while.  I had to fan myself off with a menu while I stood in the rain.   While I was gone, my boyfriend had commnicated the little misunderstanding in English.  The sweet waiter replaced my dish with a milder version and even gave me a scoop of ice cream to cool off my poor mouth.  

Benicio Del Toro reminds me of that hot plate of shrimp.  So goddamned spicy, that you have to get up and go stand in front of a fan for a while and maybe you're a little chafed in certain areas, but it's all good.  Let's go for rounds four and five, shall we?  

He even looks sexy dirty and filthy, roaming the streets drunk and flipping off the papparazzi. He's the dude who would get wasted at your sister's wedding, dance with all of the girls, sit on and crush the bouquet you'd caught earlier and then face plant onto your plate of wedding cake. He would stink sometimes, but you could force him into the shower, even though he'd thrash around for a while and break your favorite reading lamp.  

Of course, he cleans up mighty well and is supposed to be a most gracious star, never turning away an autograph seeker.  He is also generous to his leading ladies and is rumored to be en fuego in the sack.  The boy just cannot help it- his name means "the bull" for chrissakes.  

Relish the assorted Beno pics and keep a glass of water handy!

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