Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Marlon Brando: The Man Had Talent.. And an Epic Ass.

While searching the 'net for photos of Mr. Brando, I stumbled upon one of him that was unlike any other. It showed a side view of what appears to be Marlon's very recognizable face.... with a giant dick in his mouth. Apparently, this picture has been making the rounds for years and somehow traces back to one of his ex -wives. The man whose tool Marlon is servicing allegedly belongs to none other than 1950's television comic, Wally Cox. (Insert your own naaaasty joke here, cuz I ain't gonna' do it!)

Upon watching "A Streetcar Named Desire" for the very first time, I was actually surprised to see that he was remakably handsome. Prior to viewing the classic film, my only exposure to Mr. Brando had been from tabloids or negative news stories about him being 800 pounds or for breaking a bar stool in a soda shop because homeboy's ass was just too big. Sadly, this is what most people think of when I mention Brando--that, or his legal woes later in life due to the antics of his miscreant children.

A few weeks ago, I re-watched "Streetcar" and spent most of the film pausing frames of the man and exclaiming "", "Christ, what an ASS" or "Why wasn't I alive in 1949? Oh, to have been Rita Moreno!" He was that beautiful. His portrayal of the hateful Stanley Kowalski is so riveting that the viewer becomes completely lost in his performance. One can see why Stella keeps coming back down those stairs when we glimpse Marlon, soaking wet and in a ripped, tight tee-shirt. There, but for the grace of God go I.

You gotta' look fast, though, because in the blink of an eye, Marlon went from Red -Hot Ranger to Sir ChunkStyle. One can start to see that he is sportin' a bigger pants size while watching "The Wild One." This is not a problem for all of those chubby chasers out there (you know who you are!) and admittedly, the man is still sizzlin' -weenie hot. However, there is no comparison to the younger Brando who was painfully handsome in "Streetcar", what with those muscles and beautiful ass....Suddenly, I had this craving for a big plate of sausage and peppers!

Svelte or saggy, Marlon was a wonderful actor. Plus, I really dig eccentric men with odd voices (thus, my Crispin Glover obsession.) As a thespian, Brando paved the way for the many brilliant, method actors who were a generation away, including lumiaries such as Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro and so on.

Of course, the man was a stallion in his day. He sired eleven children and had three wives and also managed to romance the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, Vivien Leigh, Rita Moreno, Ursula Andress and so on. His sexual prowess is legendary, although one ex- lover claimed that he not well endowed. Perhaps that was God's way of balancing things out and preventing sheer pefection? At any rate, the man was goddamned gorgeous.

I suggest that you add "On the Waterfront", "Last Tango in Paris" and "The Fugitive Kind" to your Netflix cue. Make it a triple feature. The amount of pleasure you will derive from his amazing talent and beauty is well worth the viewing.

Dive into the creamy nougat and enjoy the photos of Marlon Brando.

(this post is dedicated to my dearest Ivey Divey)